


The Night Has Never Been Blacker

by JoshCo99



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 11:49:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11943561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoshCo99/pseuds/JoshCo99
Summary: He's dead. Sirius Black is dead. Andromeda's favourite cousin.He's dead. Sirius Black is dead. Remus' best friend, and lover.Grief follows.





	The Night Has Never Been Blacker

Andromeda’s head was rushing. Kingsley had only just left. Tears had already tracked their way down her face, smearing delicately applied mascara, running onto perfect lipstick. She could not conjure the effort to wipe the drops away. She racked with sobs. Her eyes dulled, as they stared blankly into the distance. The world felt horribly still, yet Andromeda knew it was rushing faster than ever.    
“War again… Sirius… Dead… Veil… You-Know-Who...” The words Kingsley had said had jumbled together, now. She couldn’t remember them properly. One message was clear, though. Sirius Black was dead.    
“Andy?” A soft voice called, from the house, “Where are you?”    
“I’m here, Ted.” Her voice was uncontrollably empty, devoid of all feeling. The tears left, a stony numbness remaining behind.   
Ted gingerly approached her, and sat beside her. He wrapped his coat around her. She hadn’t noticed until then that she had been so cold. She nestled into it, despite herself. “Remus says the boy is fine. All is not lost.” Ted’s voice was lightly permeated with grief.   
“Remus…” Andromeda muttered, closing her eyes. She could almost see him writing the owl. It was a sad scene.

 

* * *

Remus was. There was nothing more to it. Of course, others would describe him as devastated, in shock or grieving, but he was not. He was. Nothing more, nothing less. He existed. Devastation leant itself to sentimental ideas of emotions. Remus had none left. His hand feebly scratched the owl to Andromeda. She deserved to know the whole story, not the abridged version Kingsley was duty-bound to deliver. He almost scratched her name in the address. He thought of her. Tears, anger, grief. Everything he had spent, already. She needed this, but not from him. After a second, he scratched the name ‘Ted Tonks’ on the front, before handing it to a tawny owl, dutifully sat by his desk. As it flew away, Remus leant back and breathed a long sigh. He stood up after a moment, and looked on his coffee table. He had not slept here in a long time. He’d been with his friends, his comrades. He had craved their companionship. Now, however, he desired solitude. On his coffee table, there sat a half-smoked pack of cigarettes. Sirius’ cigarettes. He hadn’t the heart to move them. He regarded them for a second, before looking away.

Ten minutes later, Remus sat outside, on an ancient-looking bench. Between his lips, there was clasped a cigarette. His unshaven cheeks hollowed as he inhaled the fumes. He savoured the taste, the burn, the feeling, before exhaling slowly. The stars were out. His eyes searched and, before long, he found it. The Dog Star. Sirius.

* * *

Andromeda’s eyes sought the grassy ground, lips barely able to form the question: “How is Remus?”  
“He says he’s fine.” Ted’s voice was concerned, “Which means he’s devastated. I can’t blame him. After all, he…” His half-formed question sought approval, “Didn’t he?”  
“I suppose he did.” Andromeda’s voice was heavy, “And Sirius… Sirius felt the same.” Her voice was vaguely bitter.  
Ted frowned, “Is there a problem with that?” He asked, raising his brows at his wife.  
“Yes, in terms of… Fairness. For twelve years, Remus Lupin hated Sirius. After he returned, Remus loved him. Even if Remus loved him from their first year… He hated him for longer than he loved him. Sirius thought he was a spy for a year.” Andromeda’s voice was quiet now.  
Ted closed his eyes. He understood.   
“The regret must be killing him.” The wind blew through their garden, as the spouses stared up at the stars.   
“Regret never killed anyone.” Ted pointed out, in a forced-light tone.  
“You don’t know Remus like I do.” Andromeda’s voice was humourless, “I think Remus would tear reality apart to… To see him again.”  
“Let’s hope he doesn’t.”  
“Oh, I think he’ll try.”

 

* * *

Remus lay awake, hours later. Surely, this was insanity. He was crying, yet he felt nothing. He refused to feel. What good were feelings? Sirius was gone. He was the only person worth wasting feelings on. Grief was twisting his senses. “You can’t be gone.” He said. His voice was empty, and he spoke to no-one. “You’re not allowed.”   
“But he is.” Okay. This was insanity. At the foot of his bed, stood a monochrome Lily Evans Potter. 

Faintly blue, almost transparent. Remus didn’t scream. Remus could not scream.    
“Lily.” The word took effort to say, and it caught in his throat. He gulped, and felt a fresh wave of tears spring into his eyes, “You’re…”   
“Dead. Yes. Almost 15 years dead.” Lily nodded. She wore that kind smile. Remus missed that, “So is he, Remus.”   
“He… Is he with you?” Remus almost didn’t dare ask. Fear rose into him. The idea that Sirius was alone, again… It didn’t bare thinking about.   
“Yes.” Lily’s voice was a devastated happiness, “He is with us. He and James are together, here.”    
“It’s real, then? An afterlife?” Remus asked, though it sounded rather stupid.   
“Yes. It’s… Something else, honestly. Perfection.” Lily sounded happy. The first time Remus had heard her truly happy since…    
“I wasn’t the spy, then.” Remus chuckled softly, though it held sad humour.   
Lily’s kind eyes saddened, and she nodded, “No. To think we ever suspected you. Above the rat. It seems… Stupid, now.”    
“Pettigrew is scum. So weak, and worthless, that no-one ever assumed he had the willpower. Well, he taught me a valuable lesson. Never underestimate anyone. Especially not the cowards.” Remus’ voice was bitter.   
“I am sorry, Remus.” Lily’s voice laced through his ears, “Truly, I am. He loves you, you know that?”   
“Yes. I knew that.” Remus nodded, a watery smile breaking his features, “To think I hated him for so…” Remus’ smile dissipated into devastated sobs.

He cried for what felt like hours. When he finally regained control of himself, he was surprised to see Lily still there. A comforting smile played at her features. “He doesn’t blame you.”

“I do blame me.”

 

* * *

“He never forgave himself.” Andromeda found herself saying, “And I don’t blame him. I’d hate myself, too.”  
“But you don’t hate him?” Ted sounded curious. They were cuddled up now, staring up at the stars.  
“How could I?” Andromeda’s voice was lighter, now, “The loyalty he showed us, through those 12 years. Whenever we were away, he’d babysit Nymphadora. She grew to love him.”  
“They’re friends now. Dora told me.” Ted chuckled softly, “Apparently, he’s like an overgruff uncle.”  
There was a lengthy, though not uncomfortable silence between them.   
“I don’t think he’ll ever forgive himself now.” Andromeda’s words broke the silence, cutting it like ice.  
“He’s a soldier. He’ll have to.” 

* * *

Remus woke. Lily was gone. It felt like a bad dream. Had it not been for the crushing absence in his gut, he might have thought it was.


End file.
